It’s been a while

Posted: October 20, 2016 in Uncategorized

My last trip to Chile was a complete and total disaster; what could have gone wrong, did. I’ll sum it up at a later point but it was so truly, epically horrible that I couldn’t even summon any additional rage with which to type up the tale.

Which is sad, because it went part in parcel with the first BobQuest of 2016. Epic things were done. Epic fails were experienced.

Then there was another BobQuest, this time driving a Maserati from the Atlantic coast to the Pacific coast and back again, driving through redwood trees (literally), crossing the Mojave desert, Grand Canyon, visiting great places like New Orleans and being shooed away from taking photos in front of Walter White’s house in Albuquerque.

Anyways, I’ve decided to add my $.02 to the election noise.

Granted, I’m so fucking sick of election nonsense I want to rip my ears off and gouge out my eyes, but there’s something that I realized and I think folks should hear me out.

Both candidates suck. They are worthless, inconsistent liars. The adage of “not voting is still voting” yeahhhhh technically true but the fact of the matter is that there will be someone with their finger over the button no matter what you do.

Hillary is dangerous. Her record as Secretary of State is terrible. She does what she wants, to keep herself and her sycophants in power, and that does not always align with what is right for the USA or right for the world.

Internationally, the growing tensions with Russia are a pressure cooker that Hillary would turn up the fire on, no doubt about it. You don’t want an egotistical Terminator robot like her leading the charge of the armed forces against a badass James Bond supervillain like Putin. It cannot possibly go well, no matter how you look at it.

Not only does Hillary see Russia as a threat over Syria, she also drags China into it. Not smart. And, as you can see, Putin has no fucks to give about her threats. He’s ready. He’s got bunkers already stocked with cans of Ultrapasteurized Whoop-ass, no expiration date. History does not favor those who go to war against the Russians. And crafty Putin Brand™ Russians? Don’t pick a fight with those guys, ever. They will make you think you are winning, quietly hand you your ass, pat you on the back, and send you home crying.

Add her creepy laugh about war with Iran to that recipe, and it’s worse.

And, icing on the cake, the entire Executive, Legislative, and Judicial branches will give her carte blanche to swing through everything like a wrecking ball, sin consequencia. What she actually gets called out on, won’t stick. Her “illustrious” career as Secretary of State has made that abundantly clear.

Most of the world is waking up right now and cultures long-buried under the detritus of fascism are stretching their arms and finding no chains binding them. There is a new global middle class emerging. New markets for new goods and new ideas. More brains thinking about building freedom and prosperity for themselves instead of stealing it from their neighbors. I’d like to think a lot of it has to do with the US losing its grip on global checkbook diplomacy. The last thing this trend needs is another fucking world war. Just let the US government impoverish itself into oblivion without killing everyone else in the process. Like a violent drunk, keep it hemmed in while it swings its fists and threatens, until it passes out in the gutter and drowns to death on its own vomit.

Donald Trump may be an asshole but if he gets the win, Congress will reorganize themselves to spend the entire Presidency trying to tear him down with petty scandals and *NOT* systematically dismantling what little remains of the USA we grew up in.

He won’t have an inch to move, in any direction. Yes, he’s talked about “pushing the button” but do you honestly think that he would be given the chance by anyone around him? Since when do we believe campaign promises anyways?

He’s a blowhard and a braggart and a racist, and he has gotten mountains of coverage for saying any old inflammatory crap that comes to mind. He’s exactly the asshole you need to go drinking and whoring with a guy like Putin and iron shit out.

In contrast, Hillary calling down the nukes would be revered by starry-eyed worshipers, painted in murals, and masturbated to by the media.

I don’t like either of them. I don’t like the system, I don’t like continuing it. But I also believe that Hillary for President is a clear and present threat to the safety of the world in general.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say about that.

DST woes (again)

Posted: March 14, 2016 in Uncategorized

Chile decided to pull the plug on NOT DOING ANYTHING for Daylight Saving Time. Too many people complained that they had to drive home in the dark. So because Chile is full of pussies, we must continue our 100-year crusade to save coal for the Austro-Hungarian Empire’s shortage of 1916. So next year they will resume DST fuckery and we will all have to reset our clocks for King Franz Joseph.

So glad to be living in modern times!


Our Dear Leader

Economic Piñata

Posted: December 17, 2015 in Uncategorized

I heard a really funny analogy from a friend of mine, who has no economic education at all:

The economy is like a piñata. People expect to get good things when they beat it to shit, and wonder why there is nothing inside when they forget to fill it up beforehand.


…at least you are safe during your lunch break!

Italy’s Supreme Court of Cassation has ruled that Fiat was wrong to sack an employee for watching porn DVDs during his lunch break, LiveSicilia reports.

Back in 2010, a court in Termini Imerese, Sicily, backed the company’s decision to dismiss the man from its local factory for eyeballing smut. Palermo’s Court of Appeal subsequently declared the sacking unlawful, an opinion now confirmed by Italy’s highest beaks.

Critically, since there was no proof the man had watched the DVDs “during work hours” – merely a unproven “suspicion” – Fiat had no right to sack him, the Court of Cassation said.

However, the court did decide that Fiat was quite within its rights to issue marching orders to another employee “caught smoking joints during working hours”.

Thanks to HomebodyBob for sharing this with me.

If you want the Uruguay experience:

  • Take a blanket and soak it with water.
  • Get a filthy dog and soak it with water.
  • Drill holes in your roof.
  • Break half your plumbing, short out half of your electrical system. Not just half-assed breaking, no, make sure that shit’s leaking into the walls and shorting stuff out everywhere.
  • Rip out all your insulation.
  • Then turn the AC down to 50 degrees, and lay under the soggy blanket with the wet dog so you can experience what everything smells and feels like here (Obligatory Mold Smell + dog ass), while you try and get a bunch of disinterested, hopeless, unskilled morons (extra-special drooling short-bus morons) to fix all the broken stuff. Using all the wrong tools (bubble gum, masking tape, and coat hangers get you bonus points).
  • Oh, and pay 3x as much as you normally pay for the cheaper version of the stuff you usually buy.
  • Then fire some morons, and help them sue you.
  • If you want to get around, buy an ancient piece of shit car from 1970 and spend US$8000 on it.
  • Then pay $8 per gallon to fuel it.
  • Call someone to deliver something tomorrow, but then tell him you really meant next week but hey, why not just do it in a month, or not at all, if that’s what suits him. After all, you are a paying customer!

I’m sure I am missing about 500 other things but this should get you well on your way.

No, I didn’t tag this as humor because it’s not really funny.

Not so much news, but news. Nothing here changes, except for the worse.

I came here to fix my bank account and renew my cedula. You see, Uruguay does not believe that a bank is a place where you should put your money and let it sit unmolested for long periods of time. If you do not log in to your account online or move your money in some way, shape, of form, within 90 days, they will suspend everything.


So I arrived early enough to get to the bank at 1pm when it opens, and went in, and got the ghoul behind the desk to reset my account. Supposedly. “Check in an hour and see if you can log in.”

And so I did. Problem not solved. I checked again later. Problem not solved.

By this time I am in Punta del Este, where I cannot re-fix the problem I fixed once already, because you cannot fix or re-fix a given problem with your bank unless you go to the branch where you opened it, which in this case is not where I am staying. It matters not the fact that it is a national bank with branches everywhere; you still have to make face time. To fix a thing that should have been fixed when you fixed it with the first fix.

Fuck this place. A thousand times. I want to burn it all to the ground. But it’s all too soggy and moldy to light. And I am willing to bed that the sad, grey-faced people lack the ambition even to combust properly.

In good news, I did manage to get my cedula renewed in a single day. Now they have a chip and everything, and finally the cedula fits in your wallet like a normal card should, and looks like it might survive getting sent through the washing machine a few times. They still had like 5 people in the process to print out a single card, lest they make the critical mistake of allowing efficiency to come with automation. Those offices are made to house pointless workers, after all! Now advertising paid government jobs: Openings for Senior and Assistant Mouse clickers, Person who Removes Cedula from Printer, and Person who Passes Cedula to Client from Person who Removes Cedula from Printer.

Not sure how I feel about that. I kinda liked the old ones that looked like a preschooler put them together with paste and construction paper.

In other bad news, it is disturbing the number of people I knew here who are now dead.

And the number of people I knew here who have split up from their spouses.

And the number of people I knew here who have been robbed or mugged or burglarized.

Also in other bad news, the government of Uruguay, in its infinite wisdom, has shut down the duty-free border zone in Chuy, forcibly closing down the shops of perfectly decent merchants, and denying Uruguayans access to untaxed goods, because they believe it is better to force everyone to use existing monopolies that are whining about lost profits because the economic downturn is so bad. If things suck so bad for Uruguayans that they are willing to drive all the way up to the border with Brazil (in most cases a 5-hour drive, with probably more than US$30 in tolls and US$100 in fuel) in order to buy their stuff… well, maybe you should rethink your import policies? Just saying…

I’ve only been here a couple of days and can’t wait to get the F out of here. I’d rather spend this time living showerless in week-old clothes, in the airport in Sao Paulo.

This was taken by BeelzeBob in Montevideo: