Posts Tagged ‘morons’

Celebrity douchebags Shia LeBeouf, Ronkko & Turner have put up a website and art installation at the Museum of the Moving Image in New York, which is basically a rolling feed of other douchebags repeating “He will not divide us” as a protest to the election of President Donald Trump, who took the oath and was sworn in earlier today. They plan to run it for 4 years, or until their wishes come true and democracy is thrown out in favor of some fucked up pre-school logic system where the guy you cheer for always wins and everyone gets a trophy just for showing up.

No, he will not divide us. You fuckwits are dividing us just fine without his help by protesting the democratic process.

Get over it.

Get a haircut.

Get a job.

I just replaced the old fire extinguisher on my escape boat, since the water nazis saw fit to cite me for its lack of charge, and so I thought it might be a good idea to see if I could recharge the old one and keep it in the Evil Swamp Lair. And so I called the local fire department.

“Sorry, we don’t do that, and unfortunately we are not allowed to tell you where to go to get it done.”

“What?! Are you not the people to call about fire prevention and safety? How is NOT telling me where to get it recharged in any way good for anyone?”

“Sorry, sir, but it’s the law. It would probably be cheaper anyway to just go get a new one.”

Not content with shooting one foot off with the removal of their banking secrecy, Uruguay’s parliament recently ratified (August 26) an absurd new law that bans all cash transactions over US$5000. In addition, special information will need to be filed if said money originates outside the country.

It’s funny, really, because Uruguay’s main movements in real estate for the past decade have been made by flight capital from Argentina and other countries. A couple of years back, they removed banking secrecy as it pertained to sharing information with Argentina, wherein real estate transactions and large bank deposits had to be reported to the AFIP. That wasn’t good enough, because then the deposits just started to become smaller (duh), so in order to curb this awful activity of foreigners paying Uruguayans for their land and construction labor, something must be done, a nuclear option which will screw even the locals!

Movement of any kind will not be tolerated.

Considering that many Uruguayans probably don’t have a bank account at all, let alone a debit card, and 2/3 of them live in rural areas without banks, it will be interesting to see how this pans out. I am guessing that most stuff will just go black-market, and the areas outside of Montevideo will just separate themselves more and more from the stupidity of the little Tupamaro empire.

Ahhhh, when one thinks that one is done with something in Uruguay, just when you think you can finally relax, one is always slapped in the face by the turds of slothful, knuckledragging mouthbreathers from the shallow end of the gene pool.

I present to you another chapter of the Neverending Story of Uruguay that I thought I had left last year.

MexicanBob’s family has been living at the old beach house for months. They have been very good at paying the bills and keeping up with things there. Up to, and including, the payment of various and sundry bills and utilities including the alarm.

Not that this is any of my concern, as the house is no longer mine, BUT, it’s in Uruguay, where things are never done, never finished, and never correct. In communist Uruguay, house lives on YOU! What a country!

So, because the tenants were paying the alarm bill, which was previously never automatically debited from my credit card as it was requested many many times to the point where I gave up trying years ago, suddenly the alarm company decided that it would charge the year’s bill automatically (to the tune of nearly USD$600.00). This is after MexicanBob paid the bill in cash.

I saw the charge on my bank statement and inquired about the situation. Seems it was double-paid and I never should have been charged. Bless their hearts, the MexicanBobs been attempting to rectify the situation. So they went in and explained what happened. “No problem,” said the alarm company, “we will set up a credit refund and it will show up in his account in a few days.”

So a few days pass and no refund. MexicanBob goes in again. “No problem,” said the alarm company, “semana que viene (next week NOOOOOO NOT SEMANA QUE VIENE PLEASE NOT SEMANA QUE VIENE those words are the fucking curse of curses!!!) it should show up. If it does not, please let us know.”

So a few more days pass, and a week, and no credit shows up in my bank account. Que sorpresa!!!!!!!!!

MexicanBob goes in again, to find out what is going on. Nobody at the alarm company seems to recall any requests for a refund. At this point, MexicanBob goes postal.

“No problem,” says the alarm company, “We will issue a check for the refund. It will come in from Montevideo in a few days.”

MexicanBob, knowing the score, asked them a pertinent question: “How will you know what name to put on the check?” to which AlarmBob responded, “Oh, they send us a blank check and then we write your name on it.” MexicanBob smelled bullshit but left without murdering anyone. A blank check for $600 is going to arrive ANYWHERE near where it is meant to be sent? HA! HAHAHHAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA  HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! The concept fills me with mirth. As you can see.

Days later, MexicanBob actually received a phone call, notifying him that the check had arrived. He asked them what name was on the check, and AlarmBob said it was in the name of WifeBob. To which MexicanBob goes postal again, as he has no way of cashing or depositing said check, and WifeBob will probably never return to Uruguay unless it is to sign the bulldozing orders for the beach house.

To date, the refund issue remains unresolved. And it began months ago.

Further notes…

Said alarm company called MexicanBob to inquire if everything was OK because the alarm was going off, only that it was not; it was going off at the neighbor’s house. “Isn’t this (neighbor’s house)?” asked the alarm technician…

“No, it is not.” Lord help the neighbors if they ever have a break-in.

Then the MexicanBobs had another scheduled technical visit from the alarm company, whose truck arrived at the neighbor’s house. MexicanBob went over to explain to them that they were in the wrong place. “Oh, it says here in the GPS system that it is attached to (neighbor’s house).”

“No, it is not.”

Keep in mind that it has always been a separate structure on a separate lot and since its construction years ago, we have been using the same alarm company and only now is it somehow magically listed as attached to another structure.

Gee, I am so glad I decided to leave that dreadful place so I wouldn’t have to deal with the native morons anymore!

Seriously, no wonder Punta Del Este gets robbed bare every single year at Christmastime. If this is how the security companies really operate, when you are on top of them daily?


The Musical Presidents in Paraguay has caused lots of havoc with our file being processed. The “express” version of the story is that Lugo was unliked by just about everyone, especially with his increasing Hugo Chavez fanboy behavior, and his opponents were just waiting for a slip-up to kick him out of office. The whole scenario with the gunfight may have been set up, but the world will never know until 30 years from now when the confidential files with the truth are released.

Anyhow, according to GermanBob, any time there is a transition in the regime (ie: after every election), there is general housecleaning in all branches of government, so all work immediately ceases.

To top it off, the guy in charge of Migraciones got the axe, and the new director stepped in ranting about how she will eliminate corruption.  I can picture her now, completing her speech about how she will turn the system around and clean out the corruption on all levels, and as she stands proud on the podium to thunderous tear-jerking patriotic anthem music, raises a fist in the air, and says, “Who’s with me?”

…cricket… cricket…

Well, that’s what happened.

So then in retaliation she put a stop order on all files in-process that were ever signed by the former director, legitimate or not. You see, in Paraguay, the lower level functionaries cannot compute more than the most basic instructions, and if a stamp is 3 degrees off-angle and a millimeter to the right or left of where their training paper says it is supposed to be, they will reject the application or declare the paper un-usable. Sometimes, and this happens in Uruguay too, they will flip their lid if you use two different colors of ink on one form.

Such was the case with one of my papers which was signed in the wrong place, but it was nonetheless legalized at their own consulate in the USA which sees these same papers all the time and knows exactly what is fake and what is real. One would think that this should be respected once the document arrives in Paraguay but “es lo que hay.”

IranianBob had a similar problem in that one document was a copy from the Iranian government who apparently does not wish to part with the original. No amount of explaining that they will not under any circumstances, ever, release the original, would convince the Paraguayan desk drones to accept the document, not even the fact that it, too, despite being a notarized copy of the original, was signed and stamped and legalized in triplicate by the Iranian Justice Department and the relevant Paraguayan Consulates. The paper, aside from the Paraguayan consulate legalization stamps and notes, was in Persian text, as if anyone in Paraguay will be able to read it anyways. The accompanying translation pages, also legalized, could have said anything, but seriously, if you have already bent over backwards to provide all these absurd documents, are you a harmful person? If we were scumbags we’d just walk in with a briefcase of cash and walk out with a frigging passport.

Anyways, we had to fight for various “solutions” to get our papers pushed through. But desk idiot after desk idiot kept coming up with the same problem, and this kept delaying our file. And then the fact that it was signed by the old guy got it stuck in a cabinet somewhere with hundreds of others.

The natives are restless and insisting that this new director be replaced at the end of the month. Nobody likes a boat-rocker in a place like Paraguay.

Rumor has it that our residency process is in the part where the ID cards are made, which is good news, meaning that either the director was shown the door, or threatened with the door and/or bodily harm if she continued her anticorruption rampage.