TSA douchebags

Posted: January 28, 2014 in Stupidity, Travel
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

During an unfortunate layover in JFK airport (which is, in my experience, the most worthless airport in North America I have yet had the displeasure of transiting), wherein I had to exit security and re-enter in order to change terminals from domestic to an international flight, and had my second TSA handjob of the day, the TSA asshole in charge of staring you down while you wait for your opt-out molestation decided it would be fun to ask me questions about why I didn’t want to go into the cancer scanner.

“Do you know about these new machines?” he asked.

“I don’t care,” I replied. He didn’t like that.

“That’s not what I asked you,” he started in. Oh, so we’re going to play this game.

So I stared back at him, letting the uncomfortable silence and subtle form of my disrespect soak into him.

“I know I don’t have to go into them if I don’t want to,” I answered. He didn’t like that at all.

But he wasn’t the one doing the inspection, so he couldn’t retaliate. Yet. I had about 90 minutes to wait until the boarding call for the flight, so I went looking around for some source of calories that was remotely edible, at midnight, in a frozen-over airport. Not much. McDonalds would have to do.

So I am standing in line, and I notice that there are a few TSA agents sitting at the tables taking a break. TSAsshole must have been one of them because he showed up. But instead of joining his friends, he just came up and stood next to me in line, not looking for food, but just standing there, within the creepy boundary of my personal space limit. And then when he was certain I had noticed, he went to join his friends.

Then, while I was eating, he came up behind where I was sitting and just stood there, facing me, for about 60 seconds. Not doing anything but standing there looking at the back of my head. No checking a phone, no looking around at anyone else, just Helter Skelter bury-bodies-in-the-basement style creepiness. I didn’t turn to look at him, because I didn’t want to validate his weird behavior, but I could see the reflection of the whole horror film scene in the windows.

Nice that we’re paying this fucker to “keep us safe” from “those who wish to terrorize” us.

At least he’s not driving your kids to and from school. But he’s probably wanting to diddle them anyways. And you let him, when you fly.

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Comments
  1. That was a pretty scary experience for you. It’s a great pity that you have to visit the US. I have been boycotting it the past few years, and won’t let my young granddaughters go there either; since I’m paying for the tickets, I can control that. (I wrote about the TSA on my blog back in November 2010 – a piece called “1984 Revisited”, if you want to check it out.) It costs me a few thousand dollars extra to fly everybody to and from London direct from here in the Caribbean, but it’s worth it to keep them from being molested by psychos like the one that taunted you. What an embarrassment for Americans those bastards are!

  2. Chris says:

    it’s not a handjob if you didn’t enjoy it. . . . .

  3. California Couple Bob says:

    On that last incident, I’m thinking you should have turned around, grabbed his shoulders, and given this douche-bag a super-sloppy, passionate, gay-love-man-kiss with all your fuck-these-assholes-heart-and-soul… Just imagine the trauma you might have inflicted! Soooo delicious…

    Then again, imagine all the wasted taxpayer dollars we’d have to pay for some crappy, overpriced government contractor to therapize this worthless SOB. So in the end, eBob, your non-response was probably the best response possible.

    Geez, I can’t believe the way they steal from my paycheck and debt-slave my kids to finance this bully shit. I’ve gotta get out of here.

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